Tomorrow my first paper

today i sick.. FML

its 10 pm... im in uni.. dead tired after a study marathon... hopefuilly i can keep this up all throughout the month..

GAMBATEH ME!!!!!

cis...

pssshhh....

today, i was in uni from 7.15...
today i studied in the cafe ; like SOLID 2 HOURs of study.. like from 8 ish to almost 11.. so makes it almost 3 hours... i had a bit of lunch and *missing time frame of events* until 3...

I had an exam today.. and i am happy cuz i actually knew what i was dong for once.. of course being a little relaxed from watching half hour of a movie and other things helped me to focus in the exam..

well... after the exam, i decided i earned myself some time out.. so i went to a LAN party till 6 and then...
yes folks.. i watched a mushy movie.. cried my ass off in the uni library.. thank goodness i have a hoodie to protect my face from prying arseholes...if not, MALU!!!!

hahaha..
this was a really good movie.. im considering downloading it cause its a good cry movie... i mean.. WOW... a lil bit predictable...
boy is an ass.. boy gets punished.. boy meets girl.. girl helps boy.. boy falls in love with girl.. they get together.. girl dies...
but i really love it.. its a love story, so its good to me.. hahahaha..
other than that.. nothing much today weh.. now..

BACK TO MICROBIO!!!

||:::|| Emo Day ||:::||

today is my emo day... didn't do any work today..
my usual study group is not here today.. all of them are doing assignments in the library.. I'm stuck here 'PMS'ing..
being single is really getting to me.. watching all the couples consoling each other all day.. loving each other... making each other feel good... i hate it.. someone was scolding me today for wanting to get together with my crush... i was accused of acting as someone that i am not just to impress the girl...

HELLOOOO!!!!

do i look like im trying to impress anyone??? i am myself and nobody else..

i like acting like a kid..
i like doing crazy stuff..
i am completely mad in the eyes of those who don't know me..
I'm even worse in the eyes of those who know me..
a lot of people dislike me for being open about what i really am..
i know my weaknesses and strengths..

all in all.. I'm comfortable with who i am.. so why should i care what others want me to be.. i was just advising my friend the other day..

DO WHAT YOU WANT , NOT WHAT YOU THINK OTHER PEOPLE WANT...

i am only taking my own advise cause i never EVER want anyone to be fooled.. i never want to lose a friend or someone more important because they were lulled into thinking that i am not what i really am.. i am just making sure that nobody gets hurt later in life..

i mean.. its kinda my fault for not toning down on my wacked atitude.. but yea.. i like myself..
maybe i shall try it for a month.. act like someone that i am not.. ...
..
...
......
........
nope.... never gonna be able to live with myself for doing that..

haihz... to find people who are able to appreciate me for who i really am is hard.. so thats why i keep a small group of friends.. and an even smaller group of close friends..

if i ever hear people saying that im acting like someone else, im gonna be super pissed..

hopefully tomorrow will be a better day...



a face in despair is not a mask that i wear,
its what i am, and thats how you have to accept me to be..

:::FTW!!!! APRIL 2009:::

yo peeps... yes i know i havent posted i a lOoooong time.. im so sorry... university is just not forgiving.. =S

well.. now im here today.. and im completely weak... my several bouts of illness has helped along with this.. how weak am i??

well, first of all, i sit down for an hour and if i stand after that, i get dizzy... ( no i dont have anemia...)
secondly, i am unable to complete 5 reps of push ups.. ( i used to do 30 easily and max out around 40 -50)
and then, i cant get up after lying down ( i used to do 200 sit ups- 100 in a go)
worse yet, i am out of breath walking one flight of stairs.... ( i can actually run all the way from pyramid to uni and still have stamina to run up to the 5th floor to make it for lab)

im completely messed up... for those who didnt know, i was down for a few days with severe dihorrea and vomiting about two weeks ago... then, immedietly after recovering from my illness, we had continuous dance training, almost everyday for a week and a half due to a concert that we were having, during that period, i had less than 3 hours sleep daily in order to finish up my assignments and stayed awake 2 days in a row, relying on redbull too keep me going..
then the day before the concert, i was at the stage, setting up the area for hours on end, not having the time to eat and drink... so i wasnt feeling too good..
.........then...... it happened.....:::

the practice that nite dragged on till late.. and i couldnt go home.. so i had no choice but to bunk at my friends place..
..................and i had, again , little sleep...
.................and i had the concert that night..
..................and i downed some more red bulll...
....... then i decided to have lunch.. so guess what happened..
while having some hot curry, i start choking and all the rice and curry comes out my nose, causing my throat to swell up......

so i was obvoiusly making a major fool of myself during the concert, plus my lumpy sides showing at everry opportunity.. and to make things worse.. i had only 3 ppl come up to me and wish me... while the rest were happily taking photos and laughing with all their friends who came to see THEM dance, i was the cleanup crew with a little help from victor... i still have no idea how many of those 200 odd ppl came to see me, and i guess i wont know.. but my guess stands at 3... bad mood as i was already in, it got worse as the night progressed... the highlight being the super afterwards, with that " kampung feller" and the "stoopid guy"..

so, the 3 dys after that which were last friday, saturday and sunday... i couldnt eat... and once i had a first meal on sunday, my throat started cracking up and bleeding.. monday was better, tuesday, only a little sore, and today is no pain, but i still cant taste at all..

so its all messed up..
and i have mutton curry to balme..
messed up.... =S

moral of the story...
1) dont ever expect ppl to support you at events... they all messed up
2) dont ever expect that you will have any good feelings ant any times..
3) FTW for letting me be this emo
4) F the people who say that im being childish and that all i pointed out is a small matter ( it may be small to you ppl with loaded pockets and many supporters, but this is one of the few things that i can do to make a diff, and nobody , not even my parents, saw that...)
5) just FTW...

*i dont like feeling this way.. i dont like expressing myself this way either.. but since all reliable ears are not available or a few weeks now, FTW!!!!

* i think FTW means Fuck The World.... if it doesnt, it does now...

Emo Posst #gazillion...

hai hz.. just deleted another two posts.. finding it hard not to emo laa.. lets listen to some songs...

Nolita Fairytale by Vannessa Carlton



Summer Sunshine by The Corrs



What Can I Do by The Corrs



Rise Above This by Seether



Boyce Avenue cover of Ice Box by Omarion



The emptiness of the soul that craves filling... got this ice box where my heart used to be.. and its so very cold.. i seek warmth in you my friends.. thank you for supporting me guys.... i love you guys.. i know its not easy to be around me nowadays, but thanks for sticking thru this rough time with me... i shall try to be better from now on..


special credits to Bernie, bagus, victor, cyren, desmond, michie, TY, Jerry... and others who lend me their ear... thank you from the bottom of my heart...

::FeB 2009 UpDATeS::

Whoa... its been a busy week... With the orientation coming up, semester starting soon, i have been like a lil bee buzzing around... As a buddy, my timetable is already quite filled up plus, i have to perform this monday for TWO slots, one with the Monash Dance Fuszion Club doing the Salsa and Jive, and also with the Monash Taekwando Club doing a demonstration for the new students... haizhz..

The highlight of the week was when we went to a Salsa club in KL with almost the entire performing members of the Dance Club and we had a BLAST!!! hehehehe.. dancing salsa the entire night (or in my case, sitting on the sofa with a whiskey and only dancing when i was high) was probably the most fun i've had in these few months.. our girls are apparently very popular, specially Grace and Bernie who sizzled up the dance floor and were dancing non stop the entire night.. in actuality, the whole event was a early birthday Party for one of our members , Simone, who is one of the best dancers we have..plus, her idea of booking the salsa club was great as it gave us amateurs an idea of the real salsa world as well as to help us to battle the butterflies when performing.. . it was a great experience for us all... =)

other than that, there is not really anything much thou.. next week is gonna be a REAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYYY busy week, s i ont expect to post anytime soon.. so till then ... =P

im surrised..

the way im taking the news i got today is really shocking me..
im not emo about it.. im not musing about ovr and over again.. im not angry..im not sad.. i cant even seem to care..

he thing that scares me most is that i cant seem to care.. its not bothering me at all.. its really scary seeing as to the fact that i completely broke and blew the last time this happened.. mabe because i didnt let it go too far this time..

im proud of the fact that i made that decision cause i would have been worst if i did not. the wisest thing is for me not to let myself feel... this empty feeling is good.. its a way of keeping my life in check.. i love it..

:: Sakit::

its not easy for me.. and you are not making it any easier... so let me try and then you decide.. and decide properly.. for all this hanging on a thread is making the thread pretty thin...

sad

i have typed out 4 posts.. and deleted all of them.. why? cause all of them will offend all of you people out there..i dunno why i care, but i do... so screw me for being good to those that the blogs were about.. i have no idea why i even bother, since im already offended, but im too good to let them all surface... till i burst, you better watch out.....